Communications manager at Siemens asks: Do we need really need International Men's Day?

On the occasion of  World Mens Day (November 3) and International Mens Day (November 19), I had a few thoughts around this topic. Right off the bat, I’m very open to being wrong about some things and look forward to constructive thoughts from you! 

I’ve never seen a chair being offered to someone who was already seated at a party. And that irritates me. That’s kind of what it feels like to me when I read (in this particular case) straight, cis men calling for something like an “International Straight People Day” or when we focus on an #InternationalMensDay. As if these groups are actually discriminated against, marginalized, invisible.

A privileged group that is favored in any societal structures anyway has clearly not understood that these awareness days are not about taking something away from someone. It’s about demanding things for marginalized, underrepresented groups that others have anyway; and to think about one’s own privileges for a change.

For sure, many men who are also straight and cis would distance themselves from such demands and support initiatives for disadvantaged groups.

What is Diversity, Equity and Inclusion about for me?

For me, it’s about creating space. For certain issues and yes, also for individuals. For example, for people who have previously been disadvantaged in their companies (not because of individual situations, but because of the structure of society). It’s not about giving everyone the same platform. There are people who are heard in society anyway and who are structurally on the sunny side. #InternationalWomensDay, #BlackHistoryMonth, #DisabilityAwarenessMonth, or #Pride don’t take away from anything that would put able-bodied, white, hetero cis men in existential distress. And if they don’t realize that, then I think we need things other than a day for all men out there. Don’t get me wrong, I believe that most men suffer in the patriarchy at least as much as the rest – but there are different solutions.

I don’t need to dedicate an extra day to a perspective that is already represented and included everywhere. A group that belongs without any problems and that is represented and promoted across the company at all levels is automatically included in all the above initiatives anyway (more on that later).

My point is not to attack you, who might see yourself as a privileged, able-bodied, white, straight, cis man. Rather, my point is to address the structurally advantaged group to which you belong (to be honest, it’s probably explicitly not about you if you’ve already read this far).

As long as people think that in our world “anyone can do anything if they just try hard enough”; as long as there isn’t even a basic understanding of why Pride Month exists (Eeeeeh people die because of their sexuality or how they represent their identity or gender??!?!); as long as people in the company think women are considered and treated the same as men; as long as it is not clear to everyone that quite obviously certain groups are underrepresented in the office, it is somehow not time for me to celebrate #InternationalMensDay or the like.

Who is acting out of a lack – who is acting out of a surplus?

Don’t even know why you always have to bring stuff like this out, but let’s talk about when women were allowed to vote in Germany (1918) or when homosexuality stopped being a punishable offense (1994). Not to mention marriage for all (2017) and adoption options and the rights people in alternative family concepts (don’t) have. Yes, it may be that all these facts shake a bit the worldview that many hold. Maybe it even becomes a bit uncomfortable when systems that have been built up for years suddenly don’t seem so ingenious anymore. 

Being uncomfortable does not mean being “discriminated” against. Giving back space that wasn’t fairly distributed anyway doesn’t mean being “discriminated” against. Allowing all groups the same platform does not mean “equity.”

“Black Lives Matter” is not a campaign that excludes. The equality of people previously imagined was exclusive – because PoCs, for example, were not seen and considered. So now to name the exact group discriminated against is simply the only possible answer to the previously holistic claim that all people were already treated equally. “All Lives Matter” is nicely meant in the first moment – but just as delusional.

International Women’s Day isn’t about excluding men, it’s about bringing attention to the fact that society’s view of our world is dominated, controlled, and interpreted by men (and half of humanity has fallen under the radar in the process).

And that’s exactly why a “Straight People Day” doesn’t make sense – and at this point thank you to everyone who has followed along down to here.

Pride Month is not a nice-to-have, it’s necessary because all year is already Straight People Time. Because all structures and our collective understanding of family, partnership and the “right” life are built on a heteronormative way of thinking and other perspectives are only ever perceived at all in relation to this.

My goal in this text is not to cancel men (don’t get me wrong, many good friends of mine are also men themselves), but to create a bit of mindfulness that the point of the exercise should not be to give all discriminated and non-discriminated groups the same platform. Instead, we should be addressing these issues together – without losing sight of what are real issues, and what are patriarchal sense of entitlement and the defense mode of individuals.

The Netflix documentary “Watch Beyond Men and Masculinity” (yes sometimes Netflix is the basis of my opinion making) sums it up in terms of men and women: girls need to learn to use their voice and claim space for themselves; guys need to learn to overcome the “disconnect” – both on the inside, meaning to their emotions, and on the outside, meaning to other groups – to be part of the solution. 

For a change, why not just sit, listen, research and let others have their say and try to understand them? And maybe also look inward and ask yourself: why am I feeling threatened right now? What beliefs are behind it? Should I fire off a content-free comment (that potentially hurts people) or do I want to start conversations, ask questions, and understand the other side?