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What do you do if someone tells you they are not okay? It’s not easy to know what to say, but we have some tips to help you.
“How are you? Are you okay?”
Often, it’s a just a throwaway comment, a polite introduction to the rest of a conversation, but it could be the most important question you ask that day.
And what do you do if someone says, “No, actually, I’m not okay”?
It’s important to encourage them to talk about it, but make it clear you would like to hear about what’s bothering them. They shouldn’t feel like you’re forcing them to talk. A simple phrase like, “Let’s have a chat” or “What’s been going on with you?” could do the trick, letting them know you’re open to having a conversation.
The best thing you can do is listen
When someone finds the courage to tell you they are not okay, the most supportive thing you can do for them is listen.
Debbie Bullock, Wellbeing Lead at Aviva, says: “Sometimes, people just need to be heard. Even if our gut reaction is to try to solve everything, that might not be what’s required. Sometimes, just listening is the best thing to do.
“The individual may have their own plans for how to get out of the current situation. Ask how you can support them with that. Every journey and situation will be personal and unique. What works for one will not always work for another.”
Don’t try to rush the conversation but let them know you are listening but nodding or making minimal encouraging noises like ‘mmm’. If you’re talking digitally, make sure you turn your camera on, so they know they have your full attention.
15 tips on how to respond if someone says they’re not okay
How to keep talking
Useful questions to ask
How to listen
What to do if you’re seriously worried
If you think the person may be considering suicide, it’s important to ask them directly about this.
You can’t put the idea in someone’s head if they are not considering it, but it can be a huge relief to someone to be asked the question and feel able to talk about it.
Listening to someone doesn’t mean you have to solve all their problems, but you should be supportive and encourage them to get the help they need. And don’t agree to keep the situation to yourself.
Where to find help
When an employee lets you know that they’re not okay, you’ll want to do everything you can as an employer or manager to support them.
If you find yourself in this situation, there are a number of places where you can find help. These include:
Most times when you ask someone if they are okay, you’ll get a positive answer. But if you don’t, use these tips to have a supportive conversation that could make a huge difference to your employee’s life.
Aviva
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