Travelport: The challenges for LGBTQ+ parents

International Family Equality Day is an opportunity to celebrate the diversity of families around the world. However, we realise that challenges for LGBTQ+ families are still at large. Our colleague, Edward shares insights into the triumphs and dilemmas facing LGBTQ+ parents in today's society.

 

 

In 2000, my husband and I answered the call to be parents and we adopted an infant boy from Cambodia. Fast forward to the present day, and our son is now a senior in college. In May 2023 he will be graduating! Everyone is celebrating for different reasons: his professors – “another student out the door and on their way”; my husband – “what an amazing lifelong learning achievement”; and me – “no more tuition bills.”

I have had a blast being a parent and look forward to this ongoing never ending role for the remainder of our lives. From the beginning, our family was well supported, not only by our own brothers and sisters, but by our local network of friends. All of our LGBTQ+ friends adopted our son as their own well, in a way. It is safe to say, we never lacked for free babysitters. Yet despite our happy experiences, we have experienced challenges, like any other family. And yes,  some of our challenges were unique to the fact that we were a household headed by a same-sex couple.

 

 

I won’t go into the details with personal examples, but the greatest piece of insight I can offer to other LGBTQ+ persons looking to become parents is this: there will come a time or two in your lives when you will be faced with a dilemma. Are you willing to go back into the closet for the sake of your child? 

While it is not a straightforward question as you may immediately think, as loving and protective parents, we know we all do whatever is necessary for the well-being of our children. You will likely be faced with challenges where you are forced to consider, does that well-being include demonstrating that we are out and proud 100% of the time, even though it may mean our children may face social isolation or disparate treatment from others to some degree, however minor or fleeting? How do you, as a parent, model courageous, brave, and self-loving behaviour, knowing that there may be some risk to your eight-year-old? Do you “cave” and temporarily step back into the closet that you swore you would never return to in order to spare your child from experiencing some degree of emotional distress?

I imagine the answer may depend upon what’s at stake, at least that was how it was for me. This dilemma will come up, and I hope the heads up here will be of some benefit to you. But regardless of the challenges that will arise, they are clearly outweighed by the wonders and joys of parenthood - even though in the end they leave you, and you are broke. The unconditional love of a child for their parents is invaluable.

 

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