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Trigger Warning: article contains reference to infertility and pregnancy loss
We had been trying for about 14 months when I fell pregnant naturally, however I went on to have a 'missed' miscarriage around 11 weeks. The grief I felt is hard to convey. I emotionally and physically missed the baby I had lost and longed to get pregnant again, however the months rolled into years with nothing to show but negative pregnancy tests.
Infertility impacts on every aspect of your life; your health, your finances, your relationship, your sense of self, your connections with family and friends and it is impossible to remain the same person as you were before.
I was managing to continue in work, even changing teams into a promoted role, but the trips to the toilet to cry in secret were happening more often, and I barely recognised myself and missed the old, happy me.
Marc and I put a timeline on things, as the seemingly endless torment wasn't sustainable; we decided that 2018 would be our last year trying for a baby. It was an extreme decision, as I knew in my heart I wouldn't be fully happy again if I wasn't a mum, but I did also feel a sense of relief at breaking the cycle.
The next thing that happened is IVF. We were offered 2 free cycles after a long wait. Most people don't know that IVF success rates are quite low, however, I felt very excited to be doing something so proactive to start our family. I was scared as I had a phobia of needles but none of that mattered if it gave me a chance. It is amazing what you do for your children, even before they are born!
We ended up doing two cycles of IVF. During my second cycle, I began to feel unwell and was showing signs of a rare complication called ovarian hyperstimulation syndrome (OHSS) but we got four embryos, and even better, we got a positive pregnancy test very early on!
I was admitted to the hospital with OHSS the day after my positive test but I'm pleased to say that I recovered well and our little rainbow baby Sadie was born on 31st December 2018. I felt completely elated, and truth be told, I've never quite come down off the ceiling since!
We completed our family in July 2021 with the birth of a son, Callan, also born through IVF. I know how lucky I am, and my kids absolutely know how treasured they are.
I’m now part of the Fertility Group at Barclays who offer practical and emotional support to colleagues going through infertility, loss and IVF. We enact policy change, hold panel events and Teams support groups as well as provide a monthly newsletter and 1-1 support where needed.
I am Lynsey. This is me.
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