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“Your potential discomfort can no longer be the reason we don’t talk about race” is one of the early lines from Dr. Mel Gravely’s book, Dear White Friend: The Realities of Race, the Power of Relationships, and Our Path to Equity. Dr. Gravely’s insights – in the form of letters that are rich with stories, hard facts, and personal reflections – offers an on-ramp to have difficult conversations with friends and colleagues about race, grounded in empathy and grace.
Listening to them speak was the most valuable 60 minutes I’ve spent in a long time. As a student myself on this complex topic, I’m always seeking to learn and deeply appreciate their insights and candor.
Here are five key takeaways from their conversation:
As I listened to Dr. Gravely and Dean, I reflected on the conversations throughout my life that helped me become better educated on racism, find my voice, and learn from my mistakes. The first was with my dad when I was a second-grader. An educator activist, my father was the superintendent of schools and he served the integration papers so black children and white children could go to school together in the district I went to school in. He fueled my passion at a very young age, and I’ve tried to walk in his shadow ever since.
In my role today, I’m fortunate to have mentors, friends and colleagues who challenge me to grow and use my platform to spur action. Darnel Thompson, whose honesty about the anger and fear he felt after Philando Castile’s murder in 2016, prompted our first Building Bridges conversation at Accenture to talk about race at work. Building Bridges has helped turn courageous conversations into everyday conversations about race and many other topics considered “inappropriate for work.” If it’s on our people’s minds, it’s a workplace issue.
Craig Richey, Rah Thomas, Kristen Hines and David Wilson, all colleagues at Accenture, freely and patiently share their perspectives and collaborate to create an environment where open conversations and intentionality are helping to accelerate change.
And there are my colleagues externally. My professional relationship with Perry Stuckey, CHRO at Eastman, became a friendship when we toured the National Museum of African American History and Culture together, and were able to create a safe space to have an open conversation and ask each other difficult questions. That safe space continues and has deepened our friendship. Eric Holder, Aaron Lewis, and Lindsay Burke from Covington Burling guided Accenture through deep listening sessions with our people and the creation of tangible actions around reporting discrimination, racism, and retaliation in our own organization following George Floyd’s murder. They held the mirror up so we could take a hard look at ourselves and act with even greater intention, which Dr. Gravely suggests is at the root of all progress.
As Dean and Dr. Gravely’s conversation came to an end, it struck me that when they introduced their friendship, they focused on all they had in common, which allowed them to be very open about their differences that come from underlying inequities imposed by culture and systems. When we look for things that unite us and see glimpses of ourselves in others, that’s our on-ramp to start the conversation and the first step towards change.
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