I would like to tell of the adventures of a 50 year old recently made redundant. Made redundant, may I add, by the new 38 year old manager whom instead of seeing David Brent as a comedy parody actually perceived him as an inspirational role model. Even down to pulling a pair of imaginary six guns from his pockets uttering the words "pow pow" quickly followed by the statement "the new Sheriff is in town" .. oh dear.
Redundancy is not desirable at the best of times - we all have bills to pay. But in my case thank god, it saved me - one more ridiculous acronym from David Brent, and my head would have exploded. So to the job market and interviews and well well well - I really do need to tweet to Mr Gervais. To my horror he has created a generational monster as in the last 3 interviews, who's sitting across the table from me? Yes 3 more Brents all acronym-ing to the max and all full of their own self-importance. Brent number one in an interview drawling on about how he had anti-machete training? I left the interview full of so many questions not about the job but who would take an anti-machete training course. Where would you attend such a course and more importantly why? Is our country now rife with maniacs welding machetes!?
The second Brent boasted with bloated arrogance that he had never been in any job more than two years and his reasons for this bold statement, "If you have been in the same role for more than two years it shows a lack of ambition and you're just cruising, you become baggage, I am a go-getter and I'm looking for a ruthless predator not prey!" I sat there thinking he must think I look like Sir Alan Sugar and I'm interviewing him for the apprentice! I mused on the way home that loyalty and commitment have been thrown into the old buzz word wheelie bin.
And to the final Brent (so far); I did something I have never done in an interview - ever. This particular Brent pushed every button until I could take no more, with unrivalled overuse of acronyms endless narcissism and then the statement, "you don't need to know what your monkeys do on the shop floor, you just need to throw them a banana occasionally" and then slumped back in his chair and winked.
I stood up unexpectedly thanked him for seeing me and then said to his surprised expression "I think I'm going to drive a van for a living."
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